30 Alternative New Year’s Resolutions for 2023

by

December 28, 2022
Read Time: 2 minutes

Are you looking for some New Year’s resolutions?

 

 

As 2022 ends, it’s time to come up with our annual checklist of new year’s resolutions (AKA the list of new habits that we might wish to adopt permanently but, in reality, tend to fizzle out somewhere around mid-February). The mildly annoying cliché “new year, new me” is great in theory but, in practice, a somewhat different story. So instead of the obvious sweeping statements like getting eight pack abs, giving up booze or dropping toxic friends, we wanted to provide a helpful list of slightly more attainable but equally useful habits you can embrace in your quest to be a better person—once you get over your January 1 hangover, that is. It’s the little things that count after all. 

 

 

RELATED: Some Advice to the Graduating Class, From an Aging Millennial

 

Are you ready? Here we go: 

  1. Go to the cinema alone 
  2. Invest in dog food that isn’t kibble 
  3. If someone you know says “same banana” or “hubby,” rethink that relationship
  4. When flying, don’t use the reading light when people are trying to sleep 
  5. Don’t get your news through Facebook or Viber
  6. If you’re privileged enough to fly business or first class, don’t post it online 
  7. Retire “IYKYK” 
  8. Bring up politics or religion at a party 
  9. Matching New Year’s/Christmas/Valentine’s Day pajamas…no 
  10. Log off Tiktok. Gain knowledge from reading not reels 
  11. If you take a flyer or brochure from someone, make sure you’re far enough so that they don’t see you tossing it into the trash can (read: not the floor) 
  12. Make wired earphones great again 
  13. Randomly shadow box in public to assert dominance 
  14. Always give your full birth name to the barista at Starbucks 
  15. Eat more Thai food 
  16. Dress up as an Emirates flight attendant for Halloween 
  17. In general, try to avoid destination weddings 
  18. Casually drop “innocuous” or “obfuscate” in conversations to appear more intelligent
  19. If you want to buy good cheese, go for an aged Irish Cheddar 
  20. Never go empty handed to a party, but also don’t bring a bottle of Yellow Tail
  21. When saying goodbye, make sure you walk in opposite directions after to dodge unnecessary awkwardness 
  22. Practice consideration for others by never exposing your bare feet on a plane or in public transport
  23. Always stay updated with popular TV shows and movies to avoid conversational lulls at parties 
  24. Learn how to properly French exit. Don’t overthink it
  25. When travelling overseas, avoid McDonald’s at all costs 
  26. Use “literally” less 
  27. Get some sleep without the help of melatonin
  28. Trust us, the world doesn’t want to know your gym routines. Stop posting them 
  29. Instead of bribing the MMDA officer for a traffic violation, pretend to cry
  30. Stop caring about what Kanye and Elon say

 

RELATED: Cop These 2023 Planners to Jumpstart Productivity

 

Take your a pick or two for your New Year’s resolutions, and make 2023 yours.

 

 

(In case it wasn’t clear, we’re just having fun here—for the most part.)

 

 

Words Art Vandelay 

Art Matthew Ian Fetalver

Share
Share on facebook
Share on tumblr
Share on linkedin
Share on twitter
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Trending

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Don't miss a thing

Stay up to date to the latest news and articles.