Are you looking for some New Year's resolutions?
As 2022 ends, it’s time to come up with our annual checklist of new year’s resolutions (AKA the list of new habits that we might wish to adopt permanently but, in reality, tend to fizzle out somewhere around mid-February). The mildly annoying cliché “new year, new me” is great in theory but, in practice, a somewhat different story. So instead of the obvious sweeping statements like getting eight pack abs, giving up booze or dropping toxic friends, we wanted to provide a helpful list of slightly more attainable but equally useful habits you can embrace in your quest to be a better person—once you get over your January 1 hangover, that is. It’s the little things that count after all.
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Are you ready? Here we go:
- Go to the cinema alone
- Invest in dog food that isn’t kibble
- If someone you know says “same banana” or “hubby,” rethink that relationship
- When flying, don’t use the reading light when people are trying to sleep
- Don’t get your news through Facebook or Viber
- If you’re privileged enough to fly business or first class, don’t post it online
- Retire “IYKYK”
- Bring up politics or religion at a party
- Matching New Year’s/Christmas/Valentine’s Day pajamas…no
- Log off Tiktok. Gain knowledge from reading not reels
- If you take a flyer or brochure from someone, make sure you’re far enough so that they don’t see you tossing it into the trash can (read: not the floor)
- Make wired earphones great again
- Randomly shadow box in public to assert dominance
- Always give your full birth name to the barista at Starbucks
- Eat more Thai food
- Dress up as an Emirates flight attendant for Halloween
- In general, try to avoid destination weddings
- Casually drop “innocuous” or “obfuscate” in conversations to appear more intelligent
- If you want to buy good cheese, go for an aged Irish Cheddar
- Never go empty handed to a party, but also don’t bring a bottle of Yellow Tail
- When saying goodbye, make sure you walk in opposite directions after to dodge unnecessary awkwardness
- Practice consideration for others by never exposing your bare feet on a plane or in public transport
- Always stay updated with popular TV shows and movies to avoid conversational lulls at parties
- Learn how to properly French exit. Don’t overthink it
- When travelling overseas, avoid McDonald’s at all costs
- Use “literally” less
- Get some sleep without the help of melatonin
- Trust us, the world doesn’t want to know your gym routines. Stop posting them
- Instead of bribing the MMDA officer for a traffic violation, pretend to cry
- Stop caring about what Kanye and Elon say
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Take your a pick or two for your New Year's resolutions, and make 2023 yours.
(In case it wasn’t clear, we’re just having fun here—for the most part.)
Words Art Vandelay
Art Matthew Ian Fetalver