Time you stop thinking and you start doing (if ya ready)
When I was in high school, it was passé for someone to have had intercourse. The “she had sex” rumors that bounced around within the four walls of my Catholic all-girl school were said in whispers, almost as if the sisters could hear us from the chapel. Almost as if we could get kicked out by the mere mention of the act.
But hey, we all grew up, didn’t we? College and the years that followed our graduations were something else entirely.
Nowadays, it’s easier to talk about sex. My friends and I have exchanged a few bedroom mishaps and preferences—a far cry from that one early morning when we sheepishly admitted not being virgins anymore. But despite the numerous conversations that have since been spread across tables of tequila shots, one thing still remains a “gross” topic: anal sex.
Don’t deny it. Whether or not you’ve done the backend deed, it’s crossed your mind. So we’re going to talk about it.
a·nal sex (noun)
—sexual activity involving penetration of the anus
So I gathered some experiences from ~other~ people and here are some key takeaways:
- Foreplay is your best friend (as there is literally no room for surprises)
- Lube is also your best friend (because…duh)
- Honesty is your bestest best friend (tbh, there is a fine line between pain and pleasure)
- Anal sex really is not for everyone (hearing someone describe it as “shitting backwards” is not arousing)
As for why they decided to do the deed, curiosity really rang through the loudest. And maybe unsurprisingly, it was the men in the hetero relationships that always initiated the conversation.
As the old saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. So for those of you who don’t want to die curious, at least be safe. Here’s what the experts have to say about anal sex and the precautions and pre-work that go into it (no matter your sexual identification or orientation):
Hygiene, hygiene, hygiene
When it comes to anal sex, everyone seems to have an issue with how clean the deed is, which is understandable considering the obvious. But according to sexologist Kat Van Kirk, the anus and the lower part of the rectum have very little fecal material in them. And while this means that things aren’t as ~dirty~ as you’d think, an anal douche is still a good option to take (though it should only be done once in a while).
And if you’re really anxious, some people keep a close eye on their diet on the day of their planned activities.
Keep things shallow
As said earlier, keeping things shallow will keep things cleaner—but there’s another reason not to thrust or be thrusted all the way: pleasure. The nerve endings that you want stimulated are in the anus and not all the way inside of it.
That’s why rimming is such a thing, you know?
Take your sweet ass time
Porn shows us that anal sex happens fairly quickly, but it does not. There’s a lot of prep that goes into it and no literal asshole is ready from the get-go. Start off with a finger, a tongue or a small sex toy that is specifically designed for anal play first. You can even purchase a set of butt plugs that come in increasing sizes to prepare. Also, the anus needs to relax to allow comfortable penetration.
Again: Don’t jam anything in there without working it first.
Lube it up!
The anus does not self-lubricate, so you and your partner will have to aid yourselves in that aspect. You do not want to tear the tissue found inside the anus as this might lead to long(ish)-term pain and bleeding. And while we women have a love/hate relationship with our cycles, you do not want to be bleeding from your behind at any point in time.
Cover or clean
People who have anal sex have a higher risk of sharing STIs because of the bacteria found deeper into the anus, but using a condom reduces that risk. And for you heteros, please change condoms when you move from the ass to the vagina. Or at least clean the penis or toy in use.
RELATED: Does Size Really Matter?
And before we end this backend trip, here’s a little tip: stimulating other parts of your partner during anal sex works wonders, too.
Art Alexandra Lara