Bad (Read: Hilarious) Date Stories
The worst dates make for the best stories
When we first ran this story in 2019, I wrote that bad dates make me think of Clueless. Remember that one scene where Cher slumped against her front door wondering why her date with Christian didn’t go like she’d imagined? That’s what I would immediately think back to then. “I don’t get it. Did my hair go flat? Did I stumble into some bad lighting?” Cher asked herself. The answer, we would find, was neither of these things, and it wasn’t the fact that she burned a tray of cookies in an attempt to seduce him with her culinary savoir faire either. Regardless, this scene was the first to come to mind because it’s a reminder of how many things could go wrong during a date—burnt pastries, bad lighting or otherwise.
Fast forward to 2020, I now think of this particularly entertaining tweet I came across on the bottomless vortex that is Twitter:
An even better (read: funnier) story, I think.
Thankfully, time is the all-healing balm that cures everything—yes, even cringe-worthy tales of dates past. Ahead, we give you even more bad date stories than we did the last time. Get a good laugh or chime in with your own experience.
“While going on a nice post-date walk
around a park with a now-ex, he started a conversation
with the words, since we might break up…“
“My best friend and I went on a trip abroad and there was this one night
when we went our separate ways to go on Tinder dates.
I ended up going to this guy’s place and when we hooked up,
I had to fake my orgasm and it just. Was. Not. Good.
Right when I was leaving his place, my best friend messaged
to tell me to find somewhere else to stay that night because
she took a guy home, so I ended up having to knock on his door again
and ask him to let me stay the night (without instigating more sex, of course).
He turned out to be a much better friend than a hook-up partner, tbh.”
“Me and my boyfriend that time were second year
high school students celebrating our first year anniversary.
Siyempre as students, we couldn’t afford
fancy dinner dates and all that, so we decided to eat at Mcdo.
He went to the counter and I looked for a seat.
He came back and said “Pera?” with matching hand gestures pa.
I mean, keri lang naman na KKB kami pero ‘yung approach kasi. Haha!”
“I met up with someone I’d been talking to on Tinder for the first time,
and we were supposed to spend the whole day together.
He planned everything—from a nice breakfast to a picnic
to a romantic dinner, only I think I had something bad during one of our meals.
Instead of a nice, candlelit dinner, I was stuck shitting my guts out inside a
public bathroom while he waited outside.”
“May naka-date ako na hindi pa daw siya nagdidinner,
tapos bumili siya ng isang Potato Corner na Tera fries
tsaka Munchkins. Sa kanya lang ‘yun.”
“I went on a blind date my friend set me up on,
and I just knew the guy she introduced me to looked familiar.
He thought the same about me, and we eventually
figured out that we had matched on Tinder
a couple of days before––only we were both
using different names on the app.”
“I met this girl on Instagram, and she posted a lot of pictures of
herself––mostly portraits. But then, when I met her…
she looked super different when I met her, but of course
I had to go along with it. Siyempre, it was just so awkward,
but we ended up being really good friends!”
“I was supposed to hook up with this one guy. We were acquaintances,
but we matched on a dating app and started talking.
He’s always been super shy and timid, but when we started having sex,
he kept calling me names and dirty talking me,
which really isn’t my thing. It made me uncomfortable t
o the point I just started to cry. It’s embarrassing, yeah,
but it taught me to always talk about what I do and don’t like
before jumping into bed with somebody.”
“I don’t recall much of the story, but we went to the Scout area.
After a while, when we were eating, he just stood up and
started going in the direction of the car.
He said, “Kinarnap kotse natin, ninakaw kotse natin!”
So of course, I stood up too and left our food behind.
By then, our date was ruined, but then
he happened to look in the other direction
and realized, “Oh no, it’s still there.””
Art Alexandra Lara