We sat down with an ex of a drug dealer to see what happens behind closed doors and what it was like dating someone with a serious addiction
We’re all addicted to something; some of us crave for nicotine, others alcohol and then there are those that binge on more widely accepted past times like movies, caffeine and music. But whatever our addiction is, it shapes our lifestyle and correspondingly affects our relationships. Some significant others ask us to quit cold turkey (sometimes forgetting that it’s an addiction, for Christ’s sake) and others know but prefer to not be part of it (because what they don’t see or hear can’t hurt them). And then there are the rare moments when it brings two people closer together.
But when it comes to drug addiction, is there a light at the end of the tunnel? We sat down with Sam (not her real name for obvious reasons), a woman now in her 30s and currently in a healthy and committed relationship, what it was like to date a drug addict and dealer in her early 20s.
We were young and having fun
Basics first. Can you tell me about how you two met?
We met at Tiesto; he was a guest and I was [working at the event].
What happened after that; how did you two get to know each other better?
He invited me to parties and events [he was] was promoting. We hung out in clubs and then at his flat for the after parties.
They asked if I wanted to try it and I was like “sure”
So you knew what his lifestyle was like before the relationship started. Did that turn you off at all?
In the beginning, I didn’t get that they were doing drugs heavily. I knew they smoked pot, [but] I always left ahead [at] like 1 or 2am and people stayed until maybe 5am or longer—I assumed they were just drinking and smoking.
No [it didn’t really turn me off]. Being young, I guess I thought it was cool. And I’ve never been a judgmental human anyway.
Alright, fair enough. When did you learn the truth about the after parties? Were you in a full-fledged relationship by that time?
[Laughs] No, [I learned about them] when I spent the night. I never really wanted to be in a relationship with him because [I was just looking for fun].
At the time you spent the night, were you pressured to take part in the festivities?
No, not at all; they just asked if I wanted to try it and I was like “sure.” I think there were maybe 6 of us. 2 guys—one was a DJ and her girlfriend, another DJ and his wife, then me and the guy I was dating.
Can you tell us what drugs were involved and how often things went down (as far as you knew)?
Well they never offered pot or hash, just MDMA [or ecstasy]. Not really familiar with the other drugs they used but as far as I know it was always just the two. In terms of frequency, the after parties [happened] a few times a week. Maybe 2 to 3 times. I usually [joined] them on Fridays so my drug intake was once a week for the remaining months we dated.
I was always out the night before or still high
But you two still did the standard dating, like dinners and movies? Just trying to get a whole picture of the relationship.
Dinners yes, but aside from clubbing, after parties…we didn't really do much. Besides when I would spend the night and we'd take drugs, he'd be in bed when he [crashed], meaning when the drugs would wear off and then he'd be asleep for [the next] 12 hours.
Did this eventually take a toll on the romance? Tell us what it was like near the end of the relationship.
[Thinks] I don’t think we were in a relationship for too long for the reality of [the] drugs to have set in. We were young and having fun. Things ended between us because he had to go back home. But I think the drugs did sort of get worse for him at some point; after all, he and his friends dealt drugs [for extra income]. They literally passed the Molly around in clubs like it was candy. The code phrase to get some was, “I have a present for you” or if you were buying, “do you have a present for me?”
Thinking about it now though, I remember almost dropping or failing one subject in school because I was always out the night before or still high. And if we did the things we did then [now], surely we'd be in serious trouble.
Looking back and knowing what you know now, would you still have dated him?
No, I think my life would've turned out differently if our relationship progressed. I’m glad I got out of it and grew out of that phase when I did. Some of the people we “partied” with weren't so lucky; they had trouble getting their life in order after that…Like there was this 16-year-old girl we partied with and she was in and out of rehab for a while. It's sad.
I’m just glad I got out of it
Eight months and the romance that got them high was finished, not because of the lifestyle but because of circumstance. But no matter what the reason for its conclusion was, the addiction played a large part of and pretty much defined their relationship. So watch out, use your sober head and keep your ears and eyes open.
Art Alexandra Lara