Etiquette for Sleeping Around
A.k.a, what I would have told my 20-year-old self
There’s nothing more thrilling than the feeling you get when you’re having a glass of wine or whiskey with someone and wondering if you’re going to sleep together or not. You know those nights: it starts off rather vague, you and him (or her) dangling dangerously on the slope of are-we-or-are-not, cryptically flirting until you both give in and the next thing you know, you’re walking the walk of shame and waiting for a post-coitus “Hey.”
From a reckless 20-year-old to a wiser 30-something me, here’s a guide to a (hopefully) smoother sex life.
Check your status.
Single? Carry on as usual. Taken or married? Please direct yourself to the direction of your SO’s legs.
Check your sex partner’s status.
Single? Hooray, all cleared. Partnered but not with you? Might want to avoid drama avenue. In an open relationship? Good on ya.
Now that we’ve got two important things covered, it’s time to talk protection. Whatever your gender preference may be, it’s important to discuss protection with your partner. If you’re not on any recurring protection like the pill or an IUD, don’t be afraid to bring condoms with you. Remember, STDs can be asymptomatic.
Pro-tip: If you’re in the extra intimate stage, exchange test results, too.
While some people aren’t bothered, do check if you’ve showered or if your hygiene is still within acceptable thresholds. If not within the perimeter, try to wipe the body parts which will be involved in your impending physical activity wink, wink.
Staying somewhere obscure? Send a quick Google map of your location to someone you truly trust just in case your partner turns out to be someone else.
Showers are not invitations.
Whether your partner showers before or after the deed, this is by no means an invitation for shower sex.
Sleepovers are not automatic.
It’s a common conundrum to wonder—do I sleep over? The quick answer is, it really depends. Don’t assume it’s a yes, leave if not invited.
Don’t take unauthorized footages of your deed.
No further explanation needed.
Because nobody likes a kiss and tell.
Everybody’s having sex anyway so might as well keep in mind that in this particular side of life, safety is always first.
Words Tara Cabullo
Art Alexandra Lara