Do you see yourself in these kinds of people?
I think we’re past playing coy, right? So here it is: I’m the kind of person that has slept with different kinds of people, and I find no shame in that. I find shame in some of the people and situations I’ve found myself with and in, but other than some cringe-y memories, I quite like that I have some notches in my belt. They’ve taught me a lot.
So, without further ado, I give you: The kinds of people you’ll (probably) sleep with based on the people I’ve slept with. (Also I’ve only slept with men—if that matters.)
The one who takes your virginity
Yeah, yeah, every v-card story is different. But I have not heard one real~ story that involves fireworks or candlelit bodies or slow moving hands. It’s all boney elbows and not knowing where to look.
The one who takes your virginity is often clumsy (because they’re a virgin, or because you’re a virgin, or you’re both virgins). Hands are everywhere but never in the right place, stripping is awkward and rushed, eyes dart back and forth because where do you look? This person is often someone you’ll remember for the rest of your years (even if you aren’t likely to date long), but you never dare compare anyone else to them.
It’s cheesy and maybe traditional, but it’s true: you never forget your first.
The one who teaches you
No one knows how to handle sex during their first go. But while you might have already explored pleasure on your own at this point, someone will teach you how to share the experience with them. They’ll urge you to tell them what you want, and they’ll challenge you to try new things. They’ll help you find what you like, and won’t force what you don’t.
They’ll be your sexual safe space for a while.
The fuckbuddy you fall for
Does this need more explanation?
There are people in your life whose actions and/or words will make it clear to you that they want nothing else than some fun. But sometimes, you’ll want more. It’s not exactly your fault; you want that time with them, and you think maybe they’ll start developing feelings for you.
Often times, they don’t.
The fuckbuddy who falls for you
The tides have turned. You’re the one that doesn’t want movies and dinners; you just want those few hours of affection and attention. You feel awkward saying no to invitations that happen from the hours of 12 noon to 9PM, but what is the alternative?
Be kind when this happens. Know that getting your itch scratched isn’t worth someone else’s broken heart.
The genuine fuckbuddy
Ah, Part 1 of “Things are going smoothly.”
It’s rare, but there are people out there that you are only attracted to on a physical level, and who are only attracted to you on a physical level. When this happens, it honestly feels like a break from the rest of the shit. The dating, the swiping—you can skip all that because you finally found a release. They never become your person, but they help shed some of the stress off.
That one who feels right
Part 2 (and an incredibly elevated version) of “Things are going smoothly.”
This one is even rarer, but the memory of them will always bittersweetly stick to you. They’re the one whose company you enjoy—at the dinner table, in a bar, in the shower, on the bed, clothed, completely in the nude—all the time. These are the kinds of people that prove to you that sex can be more than sex. They help you define your definition of intimacy.
And their cuddles aren’t stiff.
You’ll come across a lot of people in your life, but the level at which they root themselves in is still up to you.
What kinds of people have you slept with? Which kind of person are you?
Art Matthew Ian Fetalver