PSA: learning how to mend a heart you didn’t break is quite the green flag
All around the world, people want to be loved—which is why not a second goes by that a heart doesn’t get smashed into pieces. Whether it be from a nasty breakup, a tragic rejection or even a jab at deep wounds from childhood trauma, hearts get broken in so many ways. And with the uncertainty of how long it takes for a heart to patch itself back up again, this makes entering the world of dating one heck of a minefield.
But here’s a quick tip: you can help one’s healing process without being the reason for their heartbreak. As people come and go in our lives for a reason, you can be that angel who swoops in to mend a heart you didn’t break. Call it CPR or cha-rizz-matic love; adding these foolproof tips to your first-aid dating kit is the ultimate game-changer to navigate the modern dating scene.
Speak their language of grief
There is no universal way to grieve
Understanding how someone grieves is the first step to being able to comfort them in the manner that they can best feel it. Just as there are several love languages—each kind of love given and received differently—there are also other kinds of grief languages.
If your partner needs the space to cry from time to time, give it to them and reassure them that you’re just a call away if they ever need to talk about it. If your partner finds peace in the presence of distractions, take them to the movies or out on a dinner date. Just as expressing love doesn’t have to be through grand gestures, you can also speak your partner’s grief language through simple acts. Remember, consistency is the key.
Communicate your patience
In some cases, actions may not be enough
Nobody wants to feel like a burden, but it may come off that way when the experience of grief stops someone from being able to express their love fully. Despite knowing that a partner is willing to wait however long it may take for the pain to subside and the trauma to heal, it’s a different experience hearing that reassurance out loud.
So communicate that you’re willing to wait however long it takes. Coupled with actions that reaffirm your patience, it’s this kind of gentle love that a broken heart needs to feel whole again.
Be who they need you to be
Without forgetting who you are
If you’ve ever heard your partner say, “You remind me of them,” it may be about time to ask if that’s a compliment or a sign to check if some things you’re doing trigger them. Whether it’s an ex-lover, a negligent parent or a long-forgotten friendship gone sour, it may not be the most positive thing to hear. Of course, this doesn’t mean to say that you’re supposed to alter your entire being to fit the mold of what your partner needs. So, take this opportunity to talk it out as means of taking your relationship to the next level.
Understanding who your partner needs you to be and communicating how this sits with you are the mature and responsible things to do. In the long run, this continuous effort to be who you need for each other will forge a healthy relationship—and that’s a firm foundation for a heart to mend itself.
Give them a fresh start
It’s the start of something new
Sometimes all a broken heart needs is a new beginning. Whether it be taking your partner to new places, making new memories together or allowing them to feel a fresh kind of love, it’s in these new moments and spaces that they can begin to feel safe again. There’s a charm in gifting someone a fresh start, allowing them to step away from the person they used to be. So allowing your partner that space to be someone new and experience things for the first time can make a broken heart sing again.
And now, you’re all set to mend a heart you didn’t break! Always remember that it isn’t just time that heals all things, but consistency, too. So keep the faith!
Words Vanessa Tiong
Art Matthew Ian Fetalver