“We Never Fight” and Other Overlooked Relationship Red Flags

“We Never Fight” and Other Overlooked Relationship Red Flags

Here are relationship red flags you shouldn’t ignore



When you picture an ideal relationship, what does it look like? Do you spend all your time together? Are arguments rare, if existent at all? Do they know what you’re thinking based on your micro gestures that they’ve memorized?


As we move further away from red flag territory and into green ones, how sure are you that these flags are green? Couple the “Green Flag Craze” with a surge in “quick fix” relationship advice, and you may be holding onto toxic relationship myths that can lead you and your partner down the wrong path.


If you’re keen on separating fact from fiction, here are a few “green” relationship flags that need debunking.



“We never fight. It’s so easy to be with them!”

Everyone can agree that fights are perhaps the most unpleasant part of any relationship—platonic or romantic. But, if opposites attract, chances are you and your partner may not share every sentiment.


Ironically, couples who argue are 10 times more likely to have successful relationships. Why? The answer is simple: problem-solving. Dodging a difficult conversation doesn’t mean you’ve avoided it. If anything, you’ve swept your sentiment under the rug, leaving it to broil into resentment over time.


Many choose not to speak up because they are overtly conscious of the risks of doing so, forgetting to acknowledge the risk of not saying anything. Think of it this way—if you took your peanut allergy to a Thai restaurant, would you speak up to prevent dire consequences or risk a trip to the emergency room?



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“They would do anything for me.”

Film and television have notoriously romanticized grand gestures. If they aren’t throwing rocks at your window at inglorious hours of the day with a boombox (perhaps now a JBL speaker) in hand, do they really deserve your attention?


28-year-old Stephanie, a business associate, once thought that what she wanted was for her partner to allow her to dictate what she wanted without argument, but realized the expectation was unrealistic. “[It’s] unfair to think of it that way, for only one side to bend over backward for everything,” she notes. Now married to her longtime partner, Stephanie believes, “Relationships…are about sacrifice and compromise…in an equal way.”


In the same thread, 28-year-old writer Billie agrees, saying, “Your SO should be a priority, but not at the expense of your personal goals or well-being.”


“We never run out of things to talk about.”

When you’re on a date, uncomfortable silence can be, well, uncomfortable. Intolerable even, at least for some. But suppose you’ve been dating your partner for some time—is the silence painful, or is it peaceful?


As an introvert, Billie realized that “never [having] a bored or silent moment…can get a bit suffocating. You’ll know how good you are together…if you know how to sit in silence and solitude without anxiously needing to fill the void.”


In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t “lose” yourself in another’s space. Nurture the stillness and appreciate occasional space.



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A post shared by Jeff Guenther, LPC (@therapyjeff)


“They post about me on social media all the time!”

In today’s digital age, “soft” and “hard launching” your new partner are accepted norms. Spend five minutes on Instagram, and you won’t find any shortage of posts adorned with #DateNight or #Monthsary.


Yet, 51% of people in relationships say their partner is often distracted by their mobile devices. There is nothing inherently wrong with online displays of affection, but spending too much time on social media can make posting habits “feel performative/obsessive,” according to Billie.


Furthermore, platforms like Instagram and Facebook have become cesspools of discussions about past relationships. Around 53% of people will use social media to check up on exes—and you don’t want to be one of them.


“They only have eyes for me. They’re so jealous.”

Decades of romcoms have tried and tested the Jealousy Test. Get them jealous, and, if they become upset, you’ve found yourself a keeper—but have you?


Jealousy is expected, regardless of your relationship structure. Monogamous, polyamorous or open, jealousy is human nature. Yet, many partners prefer to skirt the subject or avoid jealousy altogether.


RELATED: Can A Polyamorous Relationship Work? We Hear Straight from These Polyamorous Couples


Ultimately, the issue doesn’t lie in the jealousy itself—it’s an unwillingness to speak about it. Stephanie says, “If you are constantly anxious, worried about how your partner feels about you, then maybe that’s a sign… Also, how safe the space your partner creates for you to speak your truth is huge. If you feel there are [difficult things] to bring up with them or…you need to hide from them, be mindful of that!”


Relationship myths, green and red flags & where to go from here

No partner will meet every single one of your needs. They will not complete you nor share every detail with you. It may not be easy and even occasionally feel like a chore.


Stephanie advises, “Instead of looking at it [through] the lens of green or red, be in tune with how the relationship makes you feel.”


Adding to the Relationship Mythbusting Train, Billie suggests, “Know what you want in a relationship. Set your boundaries. Know what you value within yourself and with other people. These are bound to change and grow, but don’t forget yourself.”



The bottom line

Dating stereotypes have had a stronghold on interpersonal relationships for decades, and it’s time to break out of mythical bubbles. Building foundations on your reality instead of what the media has dictated.


Looking out for relationship red flags? Remember, rose-tinted glasses are no longer fashionable; they’re outdated!



Words Zoë Isabela Alcazaren

Art Matthew Ian Fetalver

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