The Stigma On Sex Toys And Why It Should End
FYI, sex toys weren’t made exclusively for the LGBTQ+
It doesn’t seem to matter how old you are, what your sexual preference is or what status box you tick on those little government forms—if you were born and raised in the Philippines, you don’t talk about sex openly. It’s a topic discussed with close friends in hushed tones or in the confines of secure walls or with courage from a drink (or two or three).
Blame it on our religious upbringing and the unfair way we’re taught to keep our virginities intact until marriage. Blame it on the way older generations shun those of us who choose to move in with our significant others. Whatever the reason is, sex is taboo and sex toys are even more so.
People might think sex toys are too radical, are “dirty,” “gross” and even “unnatural” or “inappropriate.” But while the use of toys is somehow offensive to a large number of people, there are rare gems who are completely unfazed and have discovered just how great they can be. What did they say?
|“It’s a fun experience.”||“It helps make sex more exciting.”|
|“People talk about ‘mixing things up’ in the bedroom. Well, this is one way to do it.”|
|“[Vibrators] add texture.”||“It’s something different.”|
But it isn’t just the Juans and Juanas of the world that think sex toys are a great addition into their bedside drawers; experts in the field have gone on the record to state just how beneficial they are to couples and individuals.
It isn’t about boredom
A simple blindfold, for example, can greatly diminish insecurities. A tiny little vibe can help a woman actually orgasm (let’s be honest here, ladies, it can be hard! A study once concluded that 75 percent of us do not orgasm during sex without manual stimulation and that as much as 15 percent of us do not hit that high point at all). And—say it with me—sex toys are not just for women or same sex couples.
1 in 4 men suffer from erectile dysfunction
Toys aren’t just for fun; they’re also for people who can’t perform optimally in the bedroom. According to Cleveland Clinic, 1 in 4 men under the age of 40 suffer from erectile dysfunction, meaning they can’t stay hard enough to finish sexual intercourse. This number only increases as men age, with 70 percent of them experiencing this once they hit the age of 70. And, really, is it a crime to want to please your partner? We think not.
And when we asked our brave friends about the bad side of sex toys, they had very little (and arguably less convincing things) to say.
|“Cleaning them.”||“I have to keep [the toys] hidden.”|
|“It can get a little awkward to bring it up with your partner.”|
Is it a crime?
Granted, the experience of using toys is different for each individual. We talked to women who preferred vibes on their clit over dildos inside them and would agree to using handcuffs but not blindfolds. There are men who own their own toys and men who only used them when their partners had their own. We spoke to gay couples who preferred to keep things all natural, as well as straight couples that loved the added thrill of a toy between them.
So where do you even begin to form your preferences?
The World Wide Web is an amazing thing and online shopping is not just for beauty products, clothes and furniture. Commonly used ECommerce sites like Lazada have a selection in their library, but there are more niche websites like Ilya and Love365 that offer detailed descriptions of their products and even help you pick one out. Of course, there are also physical sex shops littered around the Metro. There’s Pleasure Place (in Pasig, Makati, Quezon City and Boracay) and Love Corner (in Quezon City) if you prefer to see what you’re getting.
So what’s with all the hate? There’s no room for it and there’s definitely no need for it. What people do in their bedrooms (you know, within the legal space) is none of our business. What you do at your time is no one’s business but your own.
Art by Alexandra Lara