The sugar daddy/sugar baby world is a curious one
I’ve seen enough of the world to know that there are parts of society that practice things I do not—the sugar daddy/sugar baby faction definitely included. I know enough to know there is an exchange of goods (or an entire lifestyle) for favors (whether sexual or not). There are websites solely devoted to pairing up a willing daddy with a willing baby, there are rules that they follow and secrets that they share that are never to be uttered.
It’s interesting, isn’t it? Well, curiosity got the best of me when I overheard that a friend of mine had kind of been in one of those relationships before.
So I sat down with him and asked a few questions and he, in turn, opened my eyes a little more. Granted, he isn’t a willing active member of the community (anymore), but insight is insight—you’ll get what I mean soon enough.
When we sat down, the first thing I asked for was his definition of a sugar daddy. “[He’s] someone in a relationship with a much younger girl, out of love but more of providing material things or favors to the latter,” he explained. “It may be in terms of money, education and, in return, [he’s granted] sexual favors.”
He went on to say that it depends per relationship, but that love between the sugar daddy and sugar baby is possible. More often than not, however, it’s simply an exchange of sex for something more material (or in the really bad cases, a means of survival). These men, my friend went on, tend to rely on these younger girls to ignite their earthly needs, especially in times that their girlfriends or wives refuse to have sex.
Apparently, daddies oftentimes provide as much as they can and for as long as they are able to. Knowing full well that money is what binds him to the woman, “he will move heaven and earth to provide.”
Deep diving into the conversation, he said it is more likely that the sugar daddy is the one that forms feelings for his sugar baby. Throughout their relationship, they might be able to form a real bond, but the financial aspect of things tend to make it more business-like for the baby. The daddy, on the other hand, appreciates his companion and is likely to form an actual fondness over her—otherwise, he’d move on to the next person.
Then I made things personal. I asked what the most expensive thing he ever paid for was. “A house and lot and a car,” he said quite matter-of-factly, like it was no big deal. But he was very certain not to call that particular relationship a sugar daddy/sugar baby type of situation. It was a real relationship where he just happened to shell out a lot of cash… more than the standard couple.
It was refreshing and surprising to hear him say this. When I first learned about his situation, I had immediately jumped to the conclusion that he had a relatively platonic understanding with this person. I thought that their dynamic was what I had read about, seen in movies and reality shows. In my head, his role was a provider and his significant other was there to keep him company (days and nights, to movies or dinners, whenever and wherever he wanted).
And yet, I was surprised a second time when I asked if he’d do it all again and he said no.
“At my age (48) and what I have experienced before, I know very well that we are always on the losing end,” he told me. “I know where I stand and what role to play. I no longer need a lover, but a partner. Having said that, I will no longer enter a relationship if there is no love and respect between us.”
Every situation is different; every person is different. We’re all looking for different things and we prioritize different aspects of our lives. And hey, I won’t be the first one to throw stones.
Art Alexandra Lara