We Asked Partners What They Want To Change About Each Other
And it’s not as bad as we thought
No relationship I have been part of has ever been perfect; no boy has ever wowed me off my feet so much that I couldn’t find a fault in him. As selfish or as hypocritical or as stubborn as it is, there’s always a change I could have—and would have—wished for in my romantic partners.
I would have, on more than one occasion, asked for less jealousy. There were times when I would have asked for more drive, passion and direction. And there were moments I wished and prayed for a little more loyalty, too. Did I accept them? Yes. Did I love them? Definitely. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have changed something if a genie had granted me three wishes.
But that’s me, a 27-year-old who’s been single for quite some time with no real romance success to speak of. Maybe my picking them apart and holding my breath was why things ended in the first place. Or maybe there were just some things I couldn’t look over anymore, things that I had had enough of, and that’s fine.
So I went around my circle and asked if they would change anything about their partners given the chance. These people I talked to, I know they’ve struggled to make things work at one point or another in their relationships. But at least, unlike me, they’re still happily in love. And while their answers didn’t exactly surprise me, they did teach me quite a few things.
“If there’s one thing I’d want to or could change about my partner, it would be her thinking and her mindset that we enter into a relationship as a part of our world and not to become each other’s world. There is difference between the two, right? We must pursue being independent as opposed to being dependent on our partners.”
—Woody, 21 years old, together 6 years
“If there’s one thing I can change, it’s her brattiness?”
—Cardo, 30 years old, together 11 years
“My partner is a creative person and I love that, but sometimes we don’t think the same way when it comes to planning out certain things. I tried to get her to create timetables around home projects so we could see if we were delayed and what not, but it wasn’t her thing. Part of me just likes seeing things laid out in a timeline but… different folks, different strokes!”
—Andres, 32 years old, married 3.5 years
“Na wag siya tamad sa bahay and maging mas masinop sa hanapbuhay.”
—Princess, 35 years old, married 10 years
Asking people about their relationship is never an easy thing. Sometimes people need some prying because they refuse to air out their dirty laundry or admit they aren’t 100 percent happy with their partners. Then again, there are also those people who can answer like you handed them a simple math equation.
But despite their honest answers, it was nice to know that even the most seemingly happy relationship has room for improvement. Except, of course, this girl:
“None, I love him just the way he is.”
—Therese, 35 years old, together 17 years
I guess some of us are just really lucky.
Art Alexandra Lara