When Love Deserves A Second Chance—And When It Doesn’t
Does it really all just boil down to timing?
It’s been said to absolute death that everyone deserves a second chance. And sure, when it comes to things like a work mishap or leaving the toilet seat up, the saying does apply. But when it comes to relationships—especially romantic ones—is the case still the same?
The end of a romance is never the last chapter of a relationship. We aren’t characters in some movie and we don’t have well-placed rolling credits to signify something is over. We can all attest to the fact that regret, guilt and second-guessing run through our minds for weeks and (sometimes months) after our last meeting.
The idea of closure itself is a funny thing, but it’s something we all still look and feel for. We have this notion that, without this too-often- illusive thing, the door is always open to another chance. The thing is though, is it ever a good idea to revisit and reignite a past love?
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When does love deserves a second chance?
When change is genuine
Let’s get this out of the way: People are capable of change, and there is research to suggest to back this up. Personalities aren’t set in stone and we as humans can learn and grow from our mistakes. If the change in you or your ex is evident, genuine and reliable, then maybe the relationship is worth another go.
Just make sure you aren’t convincing yourself of this change and that it, in fact, is just how things are now.
When you’re both committed
Sometimes a breakup isn’t about the person exactly, it’s about the situation and how it was handled. And while you can never erase the past, will power can be a strong thing. So if you’re both committed to making it work this time, then why not give it a go? Just keep in mind that moving forward has to be an intentional act at this point and you both might have an active role in changing old (and failed) dynamics.
When they still bring out the best in you
Fortunately or otherwise, there are just people that have a positive influence on our lives. We can’t choose who these people; they just somehow make us work harder, feel happier and just generally be a better person. And if you had that once, you’ll know exactly how hard it is to replicate the feeling (and its effects).
When it will make you happy
Let’s face it, we love who we love and we’re attracted to who we’re attracted to. There are people out there that we just feel a unique and undeniable connection with—and sometimes our minds and hearts can’t be at ease unless we take that plunge one more time.
And when should you just leave it TF alone?
When it still hurts
Breakups hurt—period. If you haven’t moved past that pain and you haven’t gotten offer whatever caused the end of your relationship, keep your eyes forward. Grudges are a difficult thing to let go off and it definitely shouldn’t be buried in the roots of a relationship.
When it isn’t good for you
Some people are good for you, but the others are just plain toxic (no matter how much love them). Tey make us crazy and paranoid and generally leave us unraveled. If you’re looking at someone that does any of these things to you, just keep walking away. It may mean letting go of something real, but it also means keeping yourself together and keeping yourself sane.
When you’re just lonely
Loneliness is probably one of the hardest feelings to shake off, especially since we all have this feeling that the cure is to be with someone else. First of all: No, that isn’t the cure. It is completely possible to feel whole by yourself (and you should, actually). Secondly, jumping back into an old relationship just because you don’t want to watch movies by yourself is unfair to all parties involved—including you, your ex and the other people you could both be seeing instead.
When you’re just looking for comfort
Loneliness is hard to shake off, routines are hard to break and comfort zones are hard to step out off. But a relationship should be more than just something to do or fill your day with. Craving the familiar isn’t a reason to return to a relationship that didn’t work the first time.
Every situation is different—obviously. No one can tell you whether or not you should get back together with your ex and life definitely isn’t some check list. That choice is yours to make alone and live with. When it all boils down to it, just ask yourself: Do I want that again?
Art Alexandra Lara