I’m not being edgy, I’m just being honest!
It’s always occurred to me that my girl friends-to-guy friends ratio was very, very unproportional. I’d need two or more extra hands to count my ride-or-die girl friends but, while counting the guy friends, I would only require two hands (and not all fingers would be raised). Sure, I’ve made decent relationships with a few acquaintances, old workmates and my besties’ boyfriends, but it was and still is so rare that an actual straight guy friend goes beyond a superficial friendship.
Back when I actually regarded this as something worth worrying about, I believed that my youth was missing a piece. I watched all the movies, read the books and saw it with my own two eyes: having straight guy friends brought a unique kind of fun to the table. How could you not long for that bond after growing up, watching FRIENDS’ Chandler and Joey bring chaos to Rachel, Monica and Phoebe? Theirs was the blueprint of the opposite sex friendship that I wanted.
I thought that straight guy friends, those who had completely different thought processes than mine, would be helpful. You know, someone with a different perspective. TBH, the type of friendships with guys that I was looking for was quite superficial: a thoughtful brother-from-another-mother. Someone who’d tease me, patronize me but also knock some sense into me when needed. Plus, I knew I could keep up with a handful of their own niche interests, too! I know how to appreciate a good sports match and I can definitely offer them advice on how to woo the person of their dreams. If they needed to unload or someone to give them the truth, I was readily available. So what wasn’t clicking?
What’s the point in looking for something you already have, or something you can make with your own people?
It took me a few years to understand that I can still get that kind of friendship with girl friends. Even if I griped about not having enough guy friends, I knew in my core that I enjoyed the company of girls more. I knew they’d still bring me the same fun that I watched on TV. In turn, I made no effort to socialize with members of the opposite sex. What’s the point in looking for something you already have or something you can make with your own people?
Getting the fun that I craved, I realized, was never dependent on friends of a certain sex or gender. It all boiled down to choosing and picking my closest friends who continue to bring me peace. My lack of guy friends was actually nothing to worry about.
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All my friends, God bless them, can offer the same type of friendship I thought I was missing out on. They know when to patronize me and when to knock me with the cold, hard truth. They’re equally chaotic, receptive when we all need to drop all rational thought and indulge each other in moments of disaster. We can talk about beauty before debating about our favorite anime. We can scream about losing in a mobile game and proceed to sharing our newest online shopping hauls after. It’s the definition of the best of both worlds.
So for the girl who’s worrying that her circle isn’t “diverse” in terms of sex and gender, it’s okay. It’s normal if you prefer a certain type of people to befriend. It’s okay to be pick and choose whom you let in your circle. Don’t feel pressured for not having the type of friendship you see on TV or in the movies. Build your own unique kind of friendships and relationships.
The only time you are missing out on something great is when you forget to look around at the wonderful people surrounding you.
Art Matthew Ian Fetalver