What’s Up With All The Pick Me Girl Hate?

What’s Up With All The Pick Me Girl Hate?

pick me girl meaning and why is this a trend?



Last year, a writer from Team Wonder unpacked the phrase “You’re not like other girls,” especially when it comes from the mouths of men. Ergo, it’s a red flag and not the compliment you think it is. So stop using it, please. But now I’m here to discuss the other side of the coin: the women who openly embrace it. Those who thrive when they get told they’re different or a gem in a sea of basic bitches. They take pride in being “one of the boys,” and make it a point to rub it in everyone’s faces. Lastly, they prefer the company of guys because they’re supposedly less prone to drama—you get it. What's pick me girl meaning and why do people hate them? 


We used to call her “one of the boys,” but in the 2020s, she’s called a pick me girl.


Urban Dictionary writes the pick me girl meaning as “a girl who goes out of their way to impress boys and make them seem that they're ‘not like other girls.'” Sometimes, they engage in slut-shaming or take more than five minutes to put on makeup. (Why is it any of your business anyway?) As its name suggests, these people engage in separating themselves from the general female population—all for men’s approval. 

Media and institutions conditioned us that female archetypes were terrible all our lives. In effect, girls work hard to be unique to be in the desirable category, while resenting those who don’t. This can be harmful as it leads to one-dimension stereotypes and tension within the community. You’ve seen the TikToks (they’re many), the Tweets and the widespread mockery over pick me girls around the internet; it’s become quite a thing around social media.


@hannah.montoya pov: the pick me girl meets the girl that’s actually “one of the guys” (pt.1) #pov #comedy #pickmegirl ♬ original sound – hannah montoya


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I’m not going to lie. I did find some of these memes really funny, even if the actors exaggerate it for comedy’s sake. It made me reminisce about my own past as a “pick me girl,” where I resented other women who liked feminine things. But as I saw content making fun of them, I learned that this phenomenon morphed into something else.

The new version of a “pick me girl” is someone who thinks they have the moral high ground for not engaging in specific behavior, thus separating themselves from the crowd. Sometimes, they even accuse other girls who like sports, don’t invest in beauty or whatnot of pick-me-ism even if those are just their interests. It's morphed into a cycle of women putting other women down for just existing, because they either want the approval of the opposite sex or to simply be perceived as different. The only winner in this battle of self-othering is misogyny.


We may live in a progressive era where women take up space, make noise and go above and beyond, but it’s not as peachy as it seems, especially with systems and archaic rules continuing to pit women against each other. Women of all ages work hard to break the glass ceiling and go against the odds—the last thing we need is a competition of superiority complexes.


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If you find yourself scoffing at girls who try hard to differentiate themselves from the general female population, try to take a proactive approach instead. Some women realize that men’s validation isn’t a necessity early in their lives, while others take years to do so. So instead of making fun of them, why not help them realize it sooner? We can end this battle of who’s better and who’s not with patience, understanding and time. Accept each other for our layered personalities, mixed interests and all. Women already exist as complex and unique beings regardless of outsiders’ perceptions. We don’t need anyone, especially men, to determine that for us.



Art Matthew Ian Fetalver

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