How do you compromise in a relationship? We reflect on Maja Salvador and Rambo Nuñez Ortega’s takes on reassurance and sacrifice
Once again, social media netizens are divided over last week’s hot topic—businessman Rambo Nuñez’s commitment to stop partying to give way to his new wife, actress Maja Salvador, and her tendency to overthink. While many have praised his dedication to the role of “Husband That Goes The Extra Mile,” others are not as keen on giving up an integral part of one’s lifestyle for a significant other.
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The online debacle begs the question: How necessary is sacrifice in a relationship? How do you know you’ve given up too much?
Maja and Rambo: the interview
In a trending interview, 34-year-old Maja recalls, “So 3 a.m, nagising ako, tapos walang message from him. Nag-palpitate ako, eh. Kasi kaka-jowa reveal lang namin sa Instagram. I told him. Ang ginawa niya, pinuntahan niya ‘ko. Ang sabi ko, ‘Nasan ka? Kasi kinakabahan ako.’ I mean, I trust him, but ang temptation, andiyan bigla. Wala ka magagawa din, eh. OA ako mag-isip. Ine-end ko na relationship namin. Sabi ko, ‘Parang ‘di ko kaya na parati kang andiyan sa bar mo, mamamatay ako kakaisip.”
“So 3 a.m., I woke up, and there was no message from him. I palpitated. We just had a partner reveal on Instagram. I told him. What he did was he went to me. I asked him, ‘Where are you? Because I’m anxious.’ I mean, I trust him, but the temptation just appears. You can’t do anything about it. I tend to [overthink]. I was already ending our relationship. I said, ‘I don’t think I can be okay with you always being at your bar, I would die just thinking about it.”
In response, bar-owning hubby, 37-year-old Rambo, provided the reassurance she needed by seemingly giving up partying—or at least committing to taking her with him every time. Dozens of retweets and Instagram Stories lauded him for his “reassurance goals,” but some were less than impressed over the seemingly “unnecessary” sacrifice. Maja chalked up her “need for adjustment” to past relationship trauma, often the culprit in overthinking dispositions.
Yet, online users and relationship-havers struggle to draw a quantifiable boundary for when sacrifice is “too much.”
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How important is sacrifice in a relationship?
Despite its notoriously bad reputation, the word “sacrifice” isn’t all it seems. Relationship-wise, sacrifice aims to build character and trust, but it’s often misconstrued and misunderstood. Yet, direct correlations between sacrifice and relationship satisfaction exist. After all, sacrificing some of your time and energy is necessary to keep relationships functional.
@steven Do relationships need sacrifices!?? ❤️🤔 #stevenbartlett #krept #kreptkonan #relationship #relationshipadvice ♬ original sound – Steven Bartlett
Perhaps sacrifice falters most when one side of the relationship feels more like a “give” than a “take.” According to the research literature on sacrifice within relationships, healthy sacrifice should promote a “climate of reciprocal trust and cooperation” but cause mutual unhappiness when “goal pursuit activities have been obstructed by their partner.” So, what’s the fix?
Discerning between good and bad sacrifices
If you’ve been to couple’s therapy, first things first: congratulations are in order—you are actively working on your relationship! Secondly, you’ve probably heard of the concept of positive sacrifice. Most couples can identify good and bad sacrifices depending on their feelings after making them.
There is a blatant distinction between the willingness to sacrifice and the act of sacrificing. Suppose you tell your partner you don’t mind watching the baby (whether human, four-legged or something more exotic) after work for a week while they cater to immovable business meetings. Perhaps, initially, you’re delighted to commit to this promise. After all, your partner is now a happy one. Then, in the middle of the week, you’re running on empty. Diapers are strewn across the floor. You haven’t slept much. You’re barely eating. Your initial sacrifice no longer feels like a happy one. Is it still necessary?
If you’re letting the costs of your sacrifice outweigh its supposed benefits, you’re coming up on the short end of the deal. Thus, your “good” sacrifice isn’t living up to its grand title.
Still, there are mutual solutions to a Sacrifice on the Rocks. Your partner may acknowledge the sacrifice and express gratitude. Then, they (hopefully) present an alternative solution, such as hiring a babysitter. Ultimately, you feel validated and, more importantly, unburdened.
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How much is too much?
Tying back to the Rambo-Maja sitch, the apparent divide between Rambo fans and not-so-Rambo fans seems to lie in whether his sacrifice was worth the trouble of giving up what seems to be an inherent part of his lifestyle. Unfortunately, many of us online sleuths will have to settle for the fact that we won’t and can’t know his true sentiments. Nor is it our place.
Instead, we can only reflect upon our interpersonal relationships and what sacrifices are worth making. If your sacrifices become expectations, you’re denied space for yourself, and you’ve contradicted your values, it may be time to revisit the relationship drawing board.
The bottom line
As onlookers, we can’t begin to assume the goings-on within the Salvador-Nuñez household. Our definitions of “meaningful sacrifices” are about as abstract as they can be, and what matters is that they don’t erode the quality of our relationships.
Whether you’re the avid bargoer or stay-at-home worrier in this equation, it’s imperative to treat sacrifice like a double-edged sword with a need for proper harnessing and reflection. If you’re itching to have a cocktail and thinking of making a sneaky exit, maybe think twice.
Words Zoë Isabela Alcazaren
Art Matthew Ian Fetalver
