It’s Not You: When The End of A Relationship Proves Personal Growth

It’s Not You: When The End of A Relationship Proves Personal Growth

When friendships end, personal growth begins



A big part of girlhood is long-lasting friendships with fellow girlies. Whether they’re friends back from high school or ones you’ve just made at work, girlfriends are known to last forever—BFFs, so to speak. 


But I’ve witnessed many girl friendships end in the past few months, some more devastating than any breakup I’ve ever seen. So what gives? In my natural assurance of my girl friendships standing the test of time, why are these supposed eternal bonds breaking at the seams? Ahead, we explore what is causing this friendship meltdown of the season and what it means for you (and your girlfriend). Spoiler alert: it’s not as bad as it may seem. 


RELATED: Unrequited Best-Friendship: Dealing With Not Being Your Best Friend’s Best Friend


Exploring estrangement

If you’re anywhere near your 20s or just about to come out of it, you better buckle up because you’re officially in the stage of your life TikTok calls “The Panic Years.”


@madearlanas the panic years, where we suddenly feel intense fear but there's nothing to actually panic about… #capcut ♬ The Panic Years Truly 20s – Elle-Louise


When you think about it, the leading reason our 20s are dubbed The Panic Years is because of how much we’re changing during this season of our lives. Don’t get me wrong, we’re in a constant state of change as humans, but our 20s offer a degree of change so drastic from any other era that it’ll most likely cause a lot of whiplash in different areas of our lives—friendships, relationships, careers, passions, preferences, values, priorities and everything in between. 


So, as we all go through the motions of change in our lives, things are bound to get messy. Unfortunately, this leads to estrangement, which TikTok defines as “the feeling of becoming distant or disconnected from friends or loved ones due to differences in interests or values.”


@filmomentPt.4 – Filmoment Dictionary.♬ original sound – Filmoment


And it makes total sense! If we’re all changing at our own pace and in our own directions, estrangement is bound to push us at odds with one another. So, now what? 


Outgrow and let go

Sometimes, drastic changes make repair close to impossible. As hard as it may sound, the best thing to do in these cases is to accept that you’ve outgrown this season of your friendship and, with love and grace, gently learn to let go.


@haleyhoffmansmith ❤️ #friendship #outgrowingrelationships #outgrowingpeople #friendbreakup ♬ Repeat Until Death – Novo Amor



Letting go tends to bring on a lot of guilt—be it thinking of all the times you’ve spent together or all the deep conversations you’ve shared. However, a good way to look at it is to accept that these changes are markers of growth in both of your lives. Growth is beautiful, but with all beauty comes pain and hardships. And sometimes, the only way to grow is to let go.


Drop by to say “hello”

It’s easier said than done, and you’ll probably cry about a friendship you’ve outgrown. But who said letting go means having to say goodbye?


@jengtauganTo a friend we no longer speak with. ☁️♬ take a moment to breathe. – normal the kid


There’s beauty in outgrown friendships: the respect and love you’ll always find in them no matter how far apart you’ve gone. So fear not. The pain of letting go is only the momentary “ouch” of ripping off a bandaid, but as you grow apart, you’ll always have a piece of them in your heart—rooting for their growth, progress and well-being. 


So, if you’re experiencing estrangement, fear not. The end of your friendship only proves one thing: you’re growing! And isn’t that just beautiful?



Words Vanessa Tiong

Art Macky Arquilla

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