Relationship deal breakers: Real or imagined?
You know how when you’re a kid watching some romantic comedy you think you understand, and you look at the protagonist and think you want his/her characteristics in your own partner one day? Or maybe you see the douche or the asshole or the bully and otherwise think you would never date anyone like them?
Boom. Relationship deal breaker—don’t worry, we all have them. They range from the crazy (“She mispronounced her words”) to the shallow (“No one shorter than me”) to the I-learned-my-lesson-the-hard-way (“He had a history of cheating but I thought he would never do that to me”).
Relationship deal breakers are funny things, especially when you get people to talk about them.
The common answers
Out of 36 individuals, 28 of them said dishonesty was their deal breaker. Second place came in in the form of having no ambition or drive, which 24 people ticked. Tied in third place with 17 votes each were having an addiction and having anger management issues.
Legitimate, right? But then things started getting strange.
Are relationship deal breakers even a real thing?
There were people in the group that didn’t exactly agree with the concept, but a vast majority agreed on the existence of deal breakers. The thing is, most of the same people also said that these non-negotiables could be overlooked if the right person came along. Moreover, almost 85 percent of them have, in the past, overlooked something they once deemed impossible to accept.
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But why did they?
The good stories
“It wouldn’t be an issue as long as you’re honest and open about the situation.” –M. Medrano
“He eventually found a job.” –Rusty
“I was in love with that person. And that was enough.” –Jaime
“[They] lead to fights but [it] can be worked on.” –Tsp
“The reality of losing her family hit her hard. Slowly but surely, she overcame the habit.” –MR
The not-so-good stories
“It leads to trust issues.” –Kim
“It leads to anxiety.” –Angela
“It was something I couldn’t accept as the relationship progressed.” –Anton
“He wasn’t treating me right and I finally saw that he wasn’t worth what he put me through.” -LC
“It always [becomes an issue]. You can’t ignore a deal breaker no matter how much you love someone.” –C. Torres
Ay, there’s the rub
Everyone prioritizes things differently and has different red flags caused by different experiences—and when these things come up, we handle them differently as well. Sometimes things get better, but it looks like they only get better when something—or someone—changes.
And that says a lot, doesn’t it?
We all just have to accept that there are things we cannot (and should not) stand. Seeing beyond these annoying quirks or inherent characteristics is not a test of love; breaking a deal breaker is not proof of how much you love someone.
We all have our limits; we all should have our limits.
Art Alexandra Lara